His Submissive (Fifteen Volume Box Set) Page 9

  “Yes. I felt like maybe you wanted more from me.”

  “Look at me when you’re speaking.”

  I looked at him, falling into his eyes.

  “You are more than enough for me, Charlotte. Tonight was more than I could have hoped for.”

  “But those women, the things they do…”

  “Shh.” He put his finger against my lips, silencing me. “This is a journey, Charlotte. It’s not something that’s taken on in one night, or even one week. You will be trained properly, in all aspects of submission, not just the sexual ones.”

  “What other aspects are there?” I asked.

  “Enjoy the moment, Charlotte. Don’t worry about that right now.”

  We were pulling up in front of my apartment now, and he leaned over and kissed my lips softly.

  “Goodbye, Charlotte,” he said. “Try to get some sleep.”

  “Goodbye, Noah.”

  I stepped out of the limo and made my way into the lobby of my apartment building, feeling confused all over again. There’d been that perfect moment after we’d both come, the way he’d lain his body over mine, enveloping me, kissing me, making me feel safe and protected. Even just now, in the back of his limo, he’d been understanding and wonderful.

  I’d felt so close to him.

  But now here I was, alone, spending the night at my apartment by myself. I wished he’d invited me back to his house, or at least…. I don’t know. I’d said I’d wanted to get to know him, to get close to him, and for a brief moment, I’d felt like I had.

  Now I felt like I was back at square one.

  Not to mention I’d confronted him about those pictures, the ones of Nora and Dani and the marks on their wrists, and he’d somehow been able to convince me it meant nothing. I reached into my messenger bag and ran my finger over the file folder.

  I thought about how naïve I’d been, marching into that club to confront him. I never should have gone tonight. This was how I imagined a drug addict must feel after a hit or a binge – you do something knowing you shouldn’t, trying to convince yourself it’s going to be different this time, that you can control it. But at the end of the day, you end up in exactly the same place, confused, depressed, full of regret.

  You swear it off until the craving becomes too much, and then the cycle starts all over again.

  I pulled out the key to my apartment and slid it into the lock, but the door was already open. Julia, my roommate, must have been home, which was strange for her at this time of night. She was usually out and about, gallivanting around the city with whatever theatre friends of hers she’d collected since she moved here about a year ago. She slept during the day when I was at class, and then was out all night, usually not getting home until five or six in the morning, when she’d collapse into bed and fall asleep.

  It worked out perfectly for me. Julia was nice enough, and I liked the idea of living with someone, of someone else having a presence in the apartment so I wasn’t always there alone.

  But I liked my alone time too, liked that I could stay at the library on campus until eight or nine at night then come home to a quiet apartment, make a tea or a coffee and study in my living room or kitchen or bedroom, not having to worry about noise or bothering someone if I decided to make myself a late-night study snack at two am.

  I opened the door to my apartment and walked inside.

  The smell of something cooking came wafting from the kitchen, and I frowned. It was a foreign smell – not that the food was foreign, but that it was coming from my kitchen was strange to me. Julia and I didn’t cook. I was pretty sure our oven still had the sticker on it from when they replaced it right before we moved in – it was one of the things mentioned in our rental ad. New appliances. I’d looked at it as a plus at the time because they looked nice, not because I planned on doing any cooking.

  “Hey,” I said to Julia.

  She was standing by the stove, stirring something with a wooden spoon. She had on a pair of stretchy black leggings and a sheer white t-shirt, her long blonde hair gathered into a messy bun on the top of her head. Julia had the typical dancer’s body – tall and thin, with hardly any curves. Her face wasn’t what you would consider classically pretty – her nose was a shade too big, her lips a tiny bit too thin. But her eyes were wide and blue, and she had that sort of weird exotic look a lot of runway models had, the kind of look that men went crazy over.

  “Taste this,” she said, holding a spoon of spaghetti sauce out to me. “Is it too salty?”

  I tasted. “A little,” I admitted. “Maybe add some sugar to it. That’s what my mom used to do.”

  “Good idea.” She went to reach for the sugar, and then she glanced at me. “Um, so this might be weird, I’m not sure.”

  “What? To put sugar in spaghetti sauce?” I wondered what she would do if she knew what I’d been up to tonight, that I was at a BDSM club with a man who might have been a murderer, a man who I was representing in a professional capacity.

  “No, not that.” She pushed her bangs off her forehead. “Josh is here.”

  “Josh?” I frowned.

  “Yeah, you know Josh from your school? I ran into him at the bar downstairs.” She bit her lip and looked at me expectantly.

  “How do you even know Josh?”

  “Remember that time he came over to drop off that assignment for you? I was on my way out the door, and you introduced us, and we ended up walking down to the lobby together. I guess he remembered me when he saw me at the bar.”

  “Oh.” I wasn’t sure why she would think it was weird. The thought of Josh in my apartment wasn’t a big deal, but maybe Julia wanted to have sex with him? Was she going to ask me to leave so they could have some privacy?

  “I wasn’t sure what the deal was with you two.” She was watching for my reaction intently.

  And then I got it. She thought maybe I had a thing for Josh. Which I didn’t. I never had. Josh was cute in that typical frat boy kind of way that most women went for. I found him a little grating, and he was obnoxious in class, trying to prove what he knew instead of just letting his smarts speak for themselves through his work.

  “Me and Josh?” I said. “There’s no deal with us. We’re not even that great of friends. You should totally go for it.”

  “Thanks.” Julia gave me a smile. “How was your date?”

  “It was good,” I said, trying to sound noncommittal.

  I could tell she was going to ask me how it went, and I didn’t really want to talk about it. All I’d told her was that I was going out with a man I’d met at a bar, which wasn’t technically a lie.

  I yawned quickly and stretched my arms behind my head. “But now I’m exhausted. I’m going to go to bed.”

  “Okay,” she said, winking at me. “We’ll try to keep it down.”

  “Where is Josh, anyway?” I asked.

  “He ran to the bathroom.”

  Great. I hoped he wasn’t going to be spending tons of time in there. I wanted to shower before I changed into some comfy PJs and curled up in bed. I was tired, but I was thinking about doing some studying before I fell asleep. I hadn’t done my reading or any of my case studies yet this weekend, and by Monday I was going to be woefully behind.

  Still, the thought of pulling out my books and laptop felt overwhelming when my eyes already felt heavy. I would get up early tomorrow, I told myself. I’d get up early and go down to my favorite coffee shop, spread out my books and papers, order myself a muffin and the biggest coffee they had and just immerse myself in my work. My regular schoolwork. Not Noah work.

  I was completely caught up in my own thoughts, which is why I didn’t notice that my bedroom door was open. I always kept it shut when I left. Not because I didn’t trust Julia, but because I didn’t know the friends she occasional brought over, and I figured a closed door would discourage them from going into my space.

  As I got closer to my room, I heard a sound coming from inside, almost like a gasping sound. My heart qui
ckened as I peeked around the corner and peered through doorway.

  It was Josh.

  I let out a sigh of relief, thankful it wasn’t an intruder. I’d been spending too much time at police stations and BDSM clubs. Not everything was something sinister, I told myself.

  But my relief was short-lived. Josh was standing over by my dresser, the top drawer open. He was breathing hard, and at first I thought he was hurt. Then I thought he was rummaging through my doors looking for something.

  I flipped on the light.

  Josh turned around, a look of surprise on his face.

  He had one hand on his dresser, bracing himself. In his other hand, he held a pair of my panties, which were wrapped around his dick. He was jerking off into them, his hand moving up and down furiously.

  “What the fuck?” I screamed. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “Nothing,” he replied calmly, not even having the decency to look like he was upset or embarrassed at being caught. He stroked himself a couple more times into my panties, making sure I knew exactly what it was he was doing. Then he put my underwear back in my drawer and zipped up his pants.

  “It wasn’t nothing,” I said. “You were jerking off using my panties.”

  “What’s going on?” Julia asked, appearing in the hallway. She was still holding the spoon covered with tomato sauce in her hand, and she licked it off and looked at me expectantly. “I heard yelling.”

  “Nothing,” Josh said, walking out of my room and into the hallway. “I was coming out of the bathroom and I thought I saw a mouse in Charlotte’s room.”

  “Ooh,” Julia said, nodding. “There was one in the kitchen last night, too. I guess we’re going to have to call an exterminator.”

  I looked at Josh incredulously. Did he really think I was going to let him get away with what I just saw him doing? “There was no mouse,” I said, my heart rate accelerating. “Josh went into my room and started going through my things. I caught him jerking off into a pair of my panties.”

  I looked at Julia expectantly, waiting for her to become outraged and kick Josh out. Maybe we should even call the police.

  “What?” Josh asked, sounding shocked. “You’re joking, right?”

  “No, I’m not joking.” I crossed into my room and pulled out the pair of underwear he’d just been holding. “It was this one.”

  “That’s not funny, Charlotte,” Julia said, putting her had on Josh’s shoulder. “Not even as a joke.”

  “I’m not joking,” I said. “He was jerking off right in my room, Julia.”

  “You’re crazy,” Josh said. He shook his head and looked at Julia. “I would never do something like that.”

  “Charlotte, that’s a really fucked up thing to lie about,” Julia said. Her eyes got steely and hard, and she stared me down. “You really need to think about what you say before you say it.”

  “Julia,” I said calmly. “I’m not lying.” The two of them were standing in the doorway staring at me like I was some kind of deranged criminal. I felt scared, and ganged up on, not to mention the violation of having someone come into my bedroom and go through my underwear drawer.

  “Charlotte, enough!” Julia said.

  “No,” I said. “I won’t. He was jerking off using my panties.”

  “Stop saying that!” Julia said. “He saw a mouse in your room. He wouldn’t have…” She trailed off, looking embarrassed, and I knew what she had been about to say. That Josh wouldn’t have been so turned on by me that he needed to sneak into my room and ruffle through my pantry drawer. I wasn’t hot enough.

  “It’s okay,” Josh said, rubbing Julia’s back. “She’s obviously upset that we’re hanging out. Maybe we should get out of here.”

  “Yeah, we definitely should,” Julia said. “I’ve lost my appetite anyway.” She threw me a dirty look over her shoulder and grabbed Josh’s hand.

  A second later I heard the door open and close.

  I sat down on my bed. My hands were shaking and I could feel the blood rushing through my body, pounding in my ears. My stomach turned. I felt dirty somehow, like I wanted to get in the shower and stay under the spray for a long, long, time.

  Relax, I told myself. He’s gone now. He didn’t hurt you. He didn’t touch you. You’re safe.

  My phone began ringing, and I glanced at the caller ID.

  Noah.

  I picked up.

  “Hello?”

  “I’ve been driving around your neighborhood for the past fifteen minutes, wondering what possible excuse I could come up with to see you again.”

  The sound of his voice was so comforting, so warm, that I immediately burst into tears.

  “Charlotte,” Noah said, his voice darkening. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s nothing,” I said. “It’s stupid. It’s just… remember that guy Josh, the one who came to your office with me the other night?”

  “I’ll be right there.” The line went dead.

  He swept into my apartment a couple of minutes later, gathering me into his arms as I cried.

  “Shh,” he said, stroking my hair. “Shh, you’re fine, it’s okay.”

  He led me over to the couch, sat me down and got me water from the kitchen.

  “Thanks,” I said, accepting it gratefully and trying not to gulp it down.

  “Tell me what happened.”

  “It was nothing, really. I’m overreacting.” I took in a shuddering breath and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. “It’s just that when I got back here tonight, my roommate had Josh over, you know, the guy from Professor Worthington’s class. She was making him spaghetti sauce.”

  “And?” He prompted.

  “And when.... when I got to my room, I caught him jerking off into a pair of my underwear.” I blushed saying the words out loud. It was ridiculous to be embarrassed or shy about saying something like that after what Noah and I had done tonight. But I was.

  “Where is he?” Noah demanded, rising from the coach. “Where is the little bastard?” He began striding toward the hallway, like he was going to find Josh hiding in one of the bedrooms.

  “He’s gone,” I said. “He left with Julia.”

  “He’s lucky.” He took in a long slow breath through his nose and sat back down on the couch.

  “No, it’s not… you don’t…it was just scary, you know?”

  “Of course it was.” He pulled me close, letting me bury my head against his chest. He felt strong, safe, protective. I liked that he was here. Just a second ago I’d been afraid, nervous, feeling dirty or like maybe I’d done something wrong, overreacted in some way. But now that Noah was here, I felt like everything was going to be okay.

  “My roommate made me feel like I was overreacting,” I said, pulling away from him.

  He shook his head, like Julia’s opinion meant nothing, like she was a gnat who could be squashed at any moment without anyone noticing or caring. I liked that he agreed with me, liked even more that we were having a real conversation, one that had nothing to do with his case or sex. I was having a problem with my life, and here he was, showing up and helping me to take care of it.

  “You’re not saying here tonight,” Noah said. “Go pack your things.”

  “Oh, that’s not necessary,” I said. But I said it just to be polite. Because the truth was, I was desperate to go to his apartment, and not just because I was scared. I wanted to be with him.

  “Get your things,” he said, ignoring me.

  I went to the bedroom and grabbed my suitcase out of the closet, the suitcase my mom had given me before I started law school in the city. You can use it when you come to visit, she’d said. I wondered what she would think if she knew I was using it to go to a man’s apartment, a man who might have been a killer, a man who I’d fucked minutes after meeting him.

  I gathered some clothes and toiletries, grabbed my schoolbooks and laptop, just in case Josh and Julia came back and decided they wanted to go through more of my things. The thought of lea
ving my stuff unattended, that Josh might come back and be able to finish what he started… it made my stomach turn. The only thing worse would be being here when that happened.

  “Ready?” Noah asked when I got back to the living room.

  “Ready.”

  Noah’s apartment felt warm and inviting after the drama that had gone down at my place. He fixed me a plate of cheese and crackers and served it to me with a ginger ale.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “You’re welcome.” He poured himself a glass of water and sat down at the table with me.

  “Thank you, um, for letting me stay here,” I said.

  “You don’t have to thank me, Charlotte, for something that is the decent thing to do.”

  The cracker I was eating suddenly felt stuck in my throat. Did he mean that he’d only invited me here because he felt sorry for me? That he thought I was some poor little girl who had no place to go?

  “Is that why you invited me here?” I pressed. “Because you thought it was the decent thing to do?”

  “Wasn’t it?” he asked.

  “Yes, but I was hoping you’d have more of a reason than that, that maybe you actually wanted me here.”

  “I wanted you here,” he said, reaching out and taking my hand across the table. He ran his finger over my palm. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It was driving me insane, having to be away from you.”

  My heart raced as his lips met mine.

  When he pulled away from me, I saw that fire in his eyes, the fire that told me he wanted to get me naked.

  But his phone rang then.

  I got a look at the caller ID.

  Katie, it said.

  “Excuse me,” Noah said. “I have to take this.”

  He disappeared down the hall, and I tried to push down my disappointment. Just because I was here didn’t mean he didn’t have a life. And Katie didn’t have to be a woman he was seeing. It could be his sister for all I knew.

  I finished my food and brought my plate to the sink. The dishwasher was empty, so I rinsed my dishes and put them inside.

  Noah still wasn’t back, so I sat down at the table and waited.

  He returned a moment later, looking agitated.